NOT-KNOWING and THE CREATIVE EXPERIENCE

I could have titled this post:

• Blank Page Syndrome, or...
• The ideal versus the actual, or...
• The risks of creating, or...
• Living on the edge.

What I noticed today, as I really dig in to this new piece, is the initial curiosity, restlessness, and insecurity of beginnings. 

Oh sure, I liked my design on paper, where it looked so neat and tidy.

But in actually starting to produce the design in wool on monks cloth, I feel all the questions and doubts rushing forward.

Will I have enough yarn? 
I don't know.
Did I choose the right colors? 
I don't know.
Will the new techniques I want to use actually work? 
I don't know.
Will unfamiliar yarns/fabrics/techniques add to or subtract from the effect? 
I don't know.
Can I really mix those two fibers in the needle?
I don't know.
Does everyone create this level of utter chaos when working on something new?
I don't know.
Can I tolerate the mess everywhere, while I get this underway?
I don't know.
Am I doing this right?
I don't know.

...and on and on.  I found myself taking frequent breaks from the work.  Reading a book to distract myself.  Going onto Facebook.  Knitting.  Running errands.  Taking a nap. 

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

It is very hard to tolerate this level of "I-don't-know-ness."  I notice it every time I start something new. 

And yet...there is something exciting about it as well.  The novelty, the experimentation, the not-knowing if something is going to work, and when it doesn't work, the part where I figure out what will work.

I hope.

Truth is, I don't know.