JANUARY MUSINGS: ACCEPTANCE.

2016 was a very tough year.  No matter which "side" you were on in the brutal election season, it was tough on all of us.  The results of the election devastated and terrified me, and many others, on behalf of the future of our people and our planet.

But I cannot move forward or act effectively if I continue to live in this place of devastation and terror.

So, my word for 2017 is:  ACCEPTANCE.

Now before those of you who share my political views take umbrage, please bear in mind that "ACCEPTANCE" DOES NOT IMPLY "APPROVAL" or "AGREEMENT." But if we are to take right action on any situation, we must first see the situation clearly as it is.  In other words, a gray sky is gray, even if we would prefer it to be blue.  The traffic jam we are caught in is indeed a traffic jam, no matter how much we'd prefer to be speeding down the highway.  Do we have to like it?  No.  Agree with it?  NO.  But in order to deal with it, we have to accept that it is what is happening in this moment.  That's where we are. 

So, now what?

I've been pondering this and looking for good resources on acceptance.  Tara Brach's books, like True Refuge, are on my reading list.  I am observing how consistently people confuse  Acceptance with Agreement.  They are NOT the same.  Acting from a place of denial or blind rage produces terrible results, and is one consequence of not being willing to face things "as they are" in order to  choose the best possible action.

I know whereof I speak.  I've just spent the entire last month refusing to accept the way things are in my life.  With predictably ineffective and poor results.  It's time to face reality.

I hasten to add that I have a l-o-n-g way to go to achieve any sort of acceptance, but I plan to be focusing on it.  2017 is going to be a challenging year for me, not just because of the election results but because I am relocating after many years in one place.  I need to remember what one good friend was saying to herself yesterday:  "Stay in the now.  Stay in the now.  Stay in the fucking NOW."  (She was talking about her acceptance of her own temporary medical issue, but it applies 100% to me as well.)   Anyone who knows me and has been around me lately knows how far away I am from achieving the wisdom and peace that acceptance can bring.

The Buddhists have the best perspective on this, and here are some short online pieces that I have found useful.  You do not have to be Buddhist to appreciate these thoughts:

• tinybuddha.com/blog/3-steps-to-practice-acceptance-have-a-peaceful-life/
• secularbuddhism.com/acceptance-vs-resignation/
• www.huffingtonpost.com/ethan-nichtern/radical-buddhism_b_671972.html (This is an excellent critique of the way some Americans misunderstand the concept of acceptance as meaning approval or resignation.)
  

Finally, there's one last post on 16 ways to practice acceptance.  I do not agree with every sentiment expressed in this article, but overall I like it.  Here's a summary of the 16 points if you don't have time to read it:

1. Support yourself through the learning process
2. See things for what they really are
3. Take things less personally
4. Don’t confuse acceptance with a statement of preference
5. Get used to the way things actually are
6. See acceptance as the ability to relax around things
7. See acceptance as something you do for yourself
8. Recognise that something good comes out of acceptance
9. See challenges as part of a story that is cool in some ways
10. Recognise that flaws belong to the nature of things
11. See flaws as the price for an overall package you can accept
12. Imagine how much worse some things could have been
13. Start to laugh at things more often
14. Practise detachment from thoughts
15. Practise simple contentment with the present moment
16. Remember that nothing lasts forever

I'll be focusing on Acceptance this year, which means I hope to be clearer and more effective at seeing when things need to change (and when they don't), and how best to act to change them.  My meditation practice will help, and I hope my friends will feel free to remind me of this focus when I lose it.

“Sometimes you just have to regret things and move on.”
― Charlaine Harris